By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
