He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
