this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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