does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
