You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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