Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
