Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
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I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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