Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
