why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
