how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
