i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
