This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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