Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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