I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
