There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Boobs speak an international language.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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