8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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