His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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