i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
