david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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