You really coming over, don't trick.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
