i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
