i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
