Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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