Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
