Soap is not a condiment
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The uberlube is also flammable
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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