Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
