So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my shit smells like andre
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
