So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
