Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
