dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
