So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
