new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
