Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
