I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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