So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
