i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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