Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
