Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
