put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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