We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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