So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
