So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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