Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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