it wasn't lemon gatorade
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
