He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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