Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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