i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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