Don't make out with my wife yet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
