I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That's intense
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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