we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
