u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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