my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
