last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
