My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
