if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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