tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
