The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
