she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
