you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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