You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
