so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
