wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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