im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
