dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
