you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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