If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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