this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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