You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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