Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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