im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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