i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
