it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sober January is a disaster.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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