Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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