don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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