Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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