thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize
