I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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