Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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