I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
