haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
