We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
