I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
