im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
