You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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