so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
