I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
