Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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