I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?