My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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