dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP