Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober