This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
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Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.