if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
