wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
