I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
