I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
MIDGETS
????
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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