What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
